Tuesday, May 3, 2016

Miami Stories Vol. 1

I woke up to the muted patter of rain outside my window. It was a humid, tropical rain that morning. I made my way out of bed and walked out to the living room. There was a dark grey blanket over Biscayne Bay as I looked out over the water. The view of Miami from a 26th floor condo is breathtaking regardless of weather. I walked towards the couch trying to recollect the prior night. As I approached to sit on the couch, there she was, slumbering angelically. That’s of course assuming angels snore softly with one breast out of their bra. As tired as I was, I decided not to wake her up. I was hoping she would wake up at least remembering where you are. 

I pushed the liquor bottles and cups out of the way on my counter and grabbed some orange juice from the fridge. I found an unopened bottle of Mo√ęt on the counter, and promptly loosened the cork over the sink. A good mimosa and some eggs will definitely help remedy the party from the night before. I don’t even understand why I had the party in the first place, yesterday was no special occasion. I guess I needed an excuse to get drunk. Nevermind all of that, I have to at least figure out what all happened. First call has to be Tony, he has been on a much more sober track recently.


“Damn you’re not awake yet?”

“It’s… 9:36 on a Sunday fucking morning, did you really expect me to be awake?”

“Good point... Hey, quick question who is this bitch passed out on my couch with no clothes on?”

I took a sip from my mimosa as he answered:

“I don’t know, it might be that girl Tyler invited over. Let me ask him. TYLER!!!”

“Man fuck that you know Tyler ain’t up. Are we doing lunch later? I’m a little worn.”

“I guess.”

“Greenstreet at like 2:00 sound good?”


“Aight, peace”

Screw the eggs, I was in desperate need of a long shower to wash off the previous night’s shame. I made my way back down the tile-floored hallway to my bedroom, each cold step less sticky than the one before. I pulled off my robe and enjoyed the warm water from my shower heads. I looked through the glass back wall of the shower, and looked out over downtown. I rested my head on the glass and tried my best act like my house wasn’t a swirl of drug activity and high profile posturing. I exited the shower, walking past the lines of coke still on my counter and immediately passed back out in my bed for a refreshing nap.

As I came back to consciousness, I roll over to another face in my bed. I quickly realise the face belongs to the girl from my couch earlier in the morning. Being that I just woke up, calm was my only way to react. I gently prodded her until her eyes crept open.

“Being that I don’t know you, I really need to know why you’re in my bed.”

“Sorry, I fell asleep during the party. I woke up on the couch earlier and didn’t know if anyone was here. I saw you in bed and didn’t want to wake you…”

“Where exactly did the idea of climbing right into my bed with me come up.”

“I got sleepy, I guess it felt like the only safe place to be in the house.”

“You know it would’ve been just as safe to get on your phone and get an Uber to pick you up.”

“I can’t find my phone, I think I left it in my friend’s car that brought me last night.”

“Who brought you?”

“Some guy named Tony.”


We laid in the bed for a while and talked. I found out Tony met her on Tinder and brought her to my house for what really wasn’t supposed to be a party. Tony then left with another girl he invited and left her there to drink herself into a coma. Classic Tony. Her name was Taylor and she was a junior at Florida State. She continued to tell about how she moved here from Ohio and about all the fun she’s had here. I looked at my phone and realised it was 1:00 I looked over and stopped her mid-sentence:

“Well I was going to meet Tony for lunch in about an hour, you could see If he still has your phone. Plus you look like you could use a meal right now.”

“Sure. Problem is I can’t find my shirt and I’m sure I wouldn’t be invited into any restaurant in a ripped bra.”

“Go down the hallway to your left and the first door on the right is a closet that should have something that fits you.”


“They’re leftovers from my exes. Don’t judge. There is a shower on the other side of that room also.”

After she left the room I get up and called up Tony:

“You stupid fuck, you were the one who left this girl here last night on my fucking couch.”

“Dude, what?”

“This girl you brought here last here last night and left without any of her things who is still in my house.”

“Oh damn! The girl off TInder?”

“Yes, one of them, you idiot. Don’t worry she’s coming with me to lunch, please look and see if her phone and shit is in your car.”

“Yeah bro, I’ll see you in a little bit.”

“Whatever, fool.”

I walked out of my room, buttoning my cuffs as I stepped down the hallway. I see her leaning against the back of the couch draped in a white Ralph Lauren oxford, and a pair of black skinny jeans. In actual clothes I actually began to pay attention to how she looked: a thin face with large, green eyes draped by long amber hair. Her build was average minus her full C-Cup breasts. But that was no matter, I was tired and in desperate need of nourishment and a good drink.

“Let’s roll.”

A pop came from the exhaust as my 911 GTS slowed in traffic on Bayshore Drive. She still seemed to be in shock we were rolling down a street in a car that cost more than her all four semesters of her tuition. To me I was nothing more than a small fish rolling around in a sea of even more ridiculous cars owned by the elderly or the newly rich. That didn’t really matter to me right now, I’m riding around a damp Miami with a random, vibrant young lady in my car. I approach Greenstreet Cafe I can already see Tony’s bright orange 335i from the road.

Tony comes running out of the restaurant in a pair of boardshorts and a tank top with Tyler equally as underdressed behind him. 

“That party was crazy last night dude!”

“It wasn’t supposed to be a party you dunce. Do you have this nice young lady’s phone, Tony?”

“I totally forgot her stuff was in my car dude.” 

He handed her a black Michael Kors purse and she immediately reached in and pulled out her rose gold iPhone 6 Plus and checked her Twitter. I was too tired or hungry to make a quip about anything that was happening at the moment. She put the phone in the pocket of her borrowed jeans and grabbed my hand. Before I could react I was already being pulled towards the doors. As we came inside from the overcast day I could feel her looking up at my face smiling as my hand settled around hers. Whatever was happening I was fine with it. It was just another day of being a citizen in Miami, Florida.

Sunday, May 1, 2016

Crotchfire: True Stories Of The Redhead, Tragic Memoir Five

It hasn’t always been just bad times with her. In fact most of the tragedies occur after us having a beautiful time together. At the end of the day, we love each other but can’t be together. It’s unfair how life does that to two souls that have no choice of who they love. It’s like how Adele has three albums worth of material about heartache brought on by one man. The good times don’t move you quite as well as the bad. I remember the day she told me she was marrying someone else. She looked beautiful sitting on the deck of my sailboat in a loose linen number. We were crossing Lake Norman back to her parents lake compound where we had set off from earlier in the afternoon.

I had snuck the boat to their pier in the middle of the night as a surprise for her. We had planned to meet there that weekend while her boyfriend was away on holiday with his family. She drove her father’s Prius in an attempt to bring no attention to herself. It was a beautiful day of champagne and massive laughter out on the water. Neither of us were truly ready to let this end, especially not with the ending that occurred. That’s the thing though, you can’t have good times exclusively. The world doesn’t work that way, you just hold on to hope that the golden days outweigh the somber.

In the case of me and the Redhead, I’m not entirely sure if either has come more often. But it really isn’t quite over yet, is it? We had a conversation about this whole day recently over a late dinner at The Capital Grille. Our smiles were pained compared to the ones out on the lake, but this time we left without an argument. Time continuing to go on has caused some of the wounds to heal, but time has also kept us together. Friendships like ours don’t really make sense, so it’s hard to say what will happen between us in the future. But for now,we have our good memories to bring us some level of solace. For me, that’s enough.