Monday, July 11, 2016

Oh The Games I Play

Remember when we were young and I used to tell you all my dreams? Remember late at night us sitting on the floor of your bedroom, trying our best to figure out what we were? Remember all the times you felt the need to tell me to be safe? Remember all the funerals I would leave town for, how worried you were about what could happen? Remember who you were when we first met? Do you even remember me?

I’ve always imagined the words I’d say to you now after all these years. I hold this childish hope that we could just talk about everything that happened. That we could talk about how you felt and what went wrong. I imagine seeing your goofy smile again, a window emitting light from your bright soul into a dark world. I’m sorry for my darkness encroaching upon your beautiful life like night setting upon a spring day. I always imagined you could forgive me.

I don’t think I ever knew what you needed. I think I did a good job keeping up with what you wanted. Maybe it was because I was always thinking. When we used to think together beautiful things came from our minds. Even when we would fuck we spill out our thoughts on life and love. I don’t know where our thoughts went astray, but they lost all their beauty. Maybe it was because you began to think like me.

For all it’s worth, I could still say I love you, even though I don’t trust you. For all it’s worth, we had good times together. For all it’s worth, I never meant to ever put you in harm’s way. For all it’s worth, I take the blame for everything that has happened to us. For all it’s worth, you can blame everything on me.

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