Saturday, June 2, 2018

Bunk Coast Motorsports Birthday Truck Part 2

In the last instalment, I introduced a couple of customers and some special vehicles that were connected to a special birthday. Next up are two more, about the cars and the people and how they were special to me. 

2007 Land Rover Range Rover Sport Supercharged

There were actually two of these on the truck, one in Santorini Black and one in Cairns Blue. The blue one has a more interesting story, so let's start there. Gus had a friend who he owed money to, like pretty much every other human being he's ever known. We’ll call him Tyson. This story begins after this lofty blue baby Range had sat around for a couple of months. It was an interesting piece, great colour, Borla exhaust, RSC supercharger pulley and ECU tune, but a smattering of undercarriage rust. Not too many folks liked what they saw in person, except apparently Tyson. 

I remember a nervous Gus on the phone with Tyson before he shut the office door. When he emerged he went straight out to the wild blue Range and drove off. Me and Todd had no idea what was going on but resumed our normal activities. Gus returned 30 minutes later and the sporty Range had a nice spit shine. Gus retreated to his office and Todd and I immediately went to find out what was happening. 

Now, Gus controlled the business previous to the partnership put on paper between us. The mistake we made was initially leaving him in charge of the dealership’s bank activity and floorplan. Gus gave us a roundabout answer about the Range, simply stating his friend Tyson was buying it. But after some pressing he told us he was “selling” it to him in exchange for a debt Gus owed. Before we could fully lay into him three not very well dressed black dudes from the Bronx hopped out of a rusted out mid-90’s Oldsmobile Cutlass. One of the men, dressed in an outfit 50-Cent would accessorise with a bulletproof vest, walks in. He introduces himself to Jason as Tyson. He walked into the office and introduced himself to Todd and I. 

We managed to excuse ourselves while Gus finalised everything and slapped a 30 day plate on the car. Tyson left half excited, and Todd and I immediately hemmed up Gus in his office. He swore he would pay us back and he'd make sure it wouldn't affect the business. What he did instead was not take the car off our floorplan for 5 months. Which also means he never registered the car to Tyson. After Gus finally paid us our money and registered the car, Tyson decided he wanted a Quattroporte. Which means the Range came back from New York on trade.

Well that sparked another crazy story, this time not involving a customer, but me. In fact, it was my 23rd birthday. I decided the Range was the perfect car to drive on my birthday. It was fast, loud, brightly coloured and British. I left the dealership early that Saturday night to head to the ABC store blasting Migos on the stereo. I grabbed my favourite inebriant: a 750ml bottle of Hennessy. I cruised over to my friend John’s place blasting noise from the oversized pipes. 

I pulled the berry blue Range into my friend’s front yard (literally right in front of his porch) and stepped into night. Tons of people rolled into the house, ones I knew, some I never met. An hour and a half into my birthday party, the bottle of Hennessy had already been emptied in my body. I was on a whole new level of drunk and the rest of the night I don't remember.

What I did remember was waking up the next morning. My head was pounding, my shirt was unbuttoned completely, I don't even know what drugs I did the night before. What I do know is the Range was staring at me on the couch from the wide open front door. On top of everything it was Father's Day. I didn't forget, I just got far more drunk than I could've imagined. I stumbled out of the empty house to the Range. 

I opened the door to see the driver's seat reclined all the way back with the headrest touching the rear seat. I raised the seat back upright and hopped in. I called John trying to piece together the night and find out what the hell happened as I fled the neighbourhood. He answered my phone call in a daze, stating he was in the back of his car near a lake cuddling his fishing rod. The rest was a blur really. I remember hurtling down I-485 at a ludicrous pace, then handing my dad his Father's Day card, and waking up 12 hours later.

Fun times. 

2008 Mercedes CLS550

I'm not even using a fake name for this one. In fact, this story is mildly incriminating but I can't resist telling it. The car itself was interesting a Capri Blue over grey leather car on 22” wheels. It was was tacky, but nothing can really ruin the classic lines of the first-gen CLS. It didn't sit very long before one of the area drug dealers appeared, putting his hands all over the freshly detailed car. He stood there, his full set of gold teeth shining staring at the car. It didn't take long for the normal drug-dealer-who-wants-a-Benz narrative to start. 

“I got money down, and my girl got good credit and shit bruh. What them payments looking like?”

I made sure he liked the car and told him to bring his wife back with him later. Before he left we had some conversations about his life. One that stuck out was him recounting getting shot nine times. It's one of those things that was hilarious at the time because he was so amped to tell us about it. Also, he had only been out of prison for 9 months. 

That was unimportant though. He had cash, and plenty of it and I wanted it. Later that evening him and his wife arrive and we get to work. He's got about $7000 to put towards a purchase. His wife turned out to have a credit score in the mid 600 range so we had multiple bank calls to work with. We ended up being able to put “her” in the Benz for $5000 down. Then the conversation came up about her wanting a car for herself also. She picked out an Infiniti FX35 we had just received with a shipment of S550s from Arizona. He put another $2000 down for her and soon they rolled away with their new cars. 

The story should've ended there but I'm not that fucking lucky. One day soon after we noticed we had a dealer plate missing. This was a regular occurrence when you have 80 cars all around and only three people responsible for them. Usually the plate showed up in the back of a car or somewhere in the dealership. We weren't in such good luck this time. 

It was the middle of a normal weekday when two detectives stormed into the dealership and approached Todd. They quickly backed him into his office and shut the door. I got as far out of the way as I could. While I was off in the distance, Todd was being interrogated about the CLS customer. They asked if his wife purchased the cars cash or actually financed them and asked for all the contracts. They asked if she provided the down payment money or if he did. Of course, Todd told them she put up the money. The detective replied in disbelief:

“Really? Cause she only had $0.64 in her bank account the day before.”

Todd could feel the heat and tried his best to escape but they kept him in that room and the door closed on him. Finally they revealed the real reason they came: our dealer plate was attached to a vehicle involved in a robbery the night before. After a lot of combing through paperwork to make sure our deal was legit, the detectives left with us still visibly shaken. 

The next day as I was going over paperwork in my office, Jason yells for me to come see the TV. There it was a midday breaking news report and our customer in a standoff inside his home with CMPD. The two cars were in the front yard with the East Coast Motorsports promotion plates affixed to the front of them. The standoff ended peacefully and somehow him and his wife both were in and out of jail within a week awaiting trial. 

I didn't see much of either of them after that, but it was hard to forget them. 

Saturday, February 17, 2018

Bunk Coast Motorsports Birthday Truck Part 1

It was another hot NC summer, I was fucked up on a variety of drugs like any other day at East Coast Motorsports. I started work at my desk late by logging into Central Dispatch and grabbing the phone number to the transporter arriving later. My partner Todd’s friend, Tony owned three high-line used car dealerships in north NJ and sent us the trade-ins he didn't want or need at his stores. It was a beneficial relationship for both parties, we received easy to recondition inventory regularly and he quickly warehoused his trade-in cars on our floorplan without him worrying about the auction at all. 

This particular day we were receiving a batch of 8 cars, mostly benign European luxury vehicles. This was also my 22nd birthday, hence the early drug induced fog. It was a long day spent working hard and getting these new vehicles prepared for sale. These cars as a part of our inventory weren't particularly spectacular, but a few introduced me to some of the most interesting customers I've ever encountered. Most of them are criminals, and some became friends I still see to this day. Obviously, I won't use any real or full names in this piece, so don't go looking for these folks. 

2006 BMW 750i
This one was actually interesting the moment it rolled off the truck. The driver backed it off the trailer first, then it immediately cut off. Thankfully, it just ran out of gas but I was enough to cause alarm. It was a black on black shorty 7-Series with 55k miles, a car reserved for the buyer with a 5-Series budget and 7-Series taste. It received a ton of attention online due to its low entry price, but most who were interested didn't have the credit or the money to buy. 

A couple weeks in, a large, class 8 truck pulls up on the sideroad next to the lot. Out hops 4 guys dressed in county uniform shirts and utility pants looking at all the cars. The manager of the crew was called Jarrell and like most of the people I encountered during that era he was looking for a W221 Mercedes-Benz S550. 

At that specific moment we didn't have one in stock, but I encouraged him to stop by after work so we could find one for him. He agreed and around 6:30pm a white Dodge Ram on 24” wheels rolls onto the lot. Jarrell hops out, an about 6’2” black guy in his late thirties with braided hair. We started to talk about finding him an S550, but slowly manage to talk him into buying the 750 as a temporary car. 

Jarrell needed me to follow him in the 750 as he didn't have another way to get it home, plus he had the rest of his down payment money there. As we walked out the door, he hands me a half ounce of decent weed as a tip. I followed him to his house which was only a few minutes away from the store. As I walked in with him to collect the money, he revealed this wasn't his only home. It started to dawn on me then that this guy wasn't just a county employee. On the ride back he revealed his money came from dealing weed, but his secret to being able to enjoy it was keeping a reliable job and strong credit. 

I ended up selling him an S550 three weeks later after the 750 decided to blow out a VANOS solenoid. He ended up being a good friend I still hang out with from time to time. I've sold him more cars and even some of his family too. Plus, he always has free weed whenever I see him, so I guess that 750 made it my birthday everyday. 

Mercedes GL550
The partner we originally bought out to save the store had his own group of friends he'd occasionally sell cars to. These were some of our rare buy-here-pay-here deals, because we knew these folks were good for it. Well this car was purchased by one of those guys. The GL was painted a rare Designo Mystic Blue, with a Designo Sand interior and the sport package with 21” AMG wheels. 

I drove it around myself for a few days after we fixed the two blown front air struts. It was parked in the showroom the day Micah showed up asking for my partner Gus. A skinny six foot tall white guy in board shorts with tattooed arms. He was driving a green Lexus GS350 Gus had sold him the year before. He had already paid it off months before and was ready to trade it in for a SUV. 

Well first off we went and took a look at the Lexus to discern a trade-in value. Mind you it was a 95 degree day in NC during late June, as soon as I opened the door the strongest weed smell smacked the shit out me. This smell isn't what you think either, it wasn't the smell of weed smoked, but the smell of pounds being transported within. We offered him a fair value assuming we might be able to get the smell out. He put down $5k in cash on top of that and agreed to a $2500 monthly payment after that for 12 months. 

Micah was an interesting dude, very into organic food and holistic living. He was also very open about his prison stays. He would come every month and usually drop a lot more than his structured payment on the GL. His wife would come in occasionally to make payments, she had a variation of Bobby Brown jaw that could tell anyone what her drug of choice was. Once he came in asking me about a squeak in the suspension, so I went with him on a quick drive. Before I even managed to get the door open, I was accosted by the incredible stench of weed. I openly wondered about the smell as we drove, and he told me he just came back from Texas with 20 pounds of high grade tree. 

This was just the tip of the iceberg of interesting characters buying these birthday cars. In the next instalment you'll learn how a couple of these cars almost got us in trouble with the law. Also the story about one of the vehicle’s involvement in my next birthday. These cars were a special bunch and I can't wait to tell you more about them. 

Friday, February 9, 2018

Miami Stories Vol. 6 Part 2

“Paul I love you too and all, but what are you doing here?”

“You gave me a key... Did you not hear what I just said to you? They dropped all the evidence in pretrial. I’m about to be free.” 

“Holy shit that’s awesome! You should go in the kitchen and make us a drink.”

“Yeah, what do you ha-”


“Is there someone in your bathroom?”

Before I could rethink it, Will walked out of the bathroom in a towel with sad glare upon his face. I stared at Erin who had a buried her face in her palm. I immediately turned around and walked back out of the room. She ran out behind me, grabbed my arm and said:

“Paul, don't.”

“Tell yourself that next time.”

“What was I supposed to do?”

“Don't worry about it, I'm gone anyway.”


I kept walking out of the apartment without looking back. I was coming to tell her I was leaving for Miami in a couple days. But now all I could tell her is leave me alone forever.

I made it back home as the sun sat just over the horizon. I dragged myself quietly into the house and up the stairs. I removed my tie and draped it over the banister as I progressed up to my bedroom. I immediately walked in and stripped off my suit. I heard my phone ring but couldn't bring myself to grab it as I unbuttoned my shirt. 

I laid in the bed and stared blankly at the ceiling. My black Volvo wagon disappeared as the horizon went dark. My life in Charlotte was over and I was ready to move on. I drifted off sleep thinking fondly of Miami. As I awoke in the afternoon, I could hear my iPhone blaring on the floor. I picked it up to see it was Liz calling. I answered half awake:


“Paul, I heard the news! I tried calling you all night last night.”

“Yeah I went to bed early.”

“Do you need anything from me today?”

“Yeah, move some money for me. That special account I gave you. I need about half a mil. Use my instructions precisely, okay?”

“Of course. Anything else?”

“Get me a plane.”

“To where?”


“I thought that wouldn't be for another couple weeks?”

“Well the plan changed.”

I hung up immediately and walked to the bathroom. I started the shower and turned around to stare in the mirror. I wasn’t even embarrassed or ashamed, I was annoyed. In the same breath that she told me she loved me, she was plotting on sleeping with another man. I know we didn’t have a defined relationship, but the sheer lack of respect for our friendship was too much. I just wish I didn’t have to find everything out this way. 

I walked into the shower and sat on the floor as the water washed over me. I just couldn’t grasp why she would hide anything from me. Where both of us were in our lives it just made no sense. It was the last sign I needed to receive that it was my time to leave Charlotte. I shut off the shower and walked back into the bedroom 

I heard my phone buzz on the bed and grabbed it. It was a text from Liz “There will be a plane waiting for you at Wilson Air Center at 6pm tonight. Have a safe trip.” I called Ho Ho Cherry House and ordered some food to be delivered. I walked into the closet and put clothes into my black Chanel barrel bags. I slipped into a pair of sweatpants and a tshirt then walked downstairs to find a drink. 

The delivery man showed up at my at my door as I poured my third tall glass of Jameson. I stumbled to the door and handed over a $100 bill and slammed the door before the delivery man could offer me change. I briefly glanced at my phone it was already 4:17. I took some bites from my crispy scallion chicken as I requested an black sedan on the Uber app. I went upstairs to my closet and grabbed a grey Hart Schaffner Marx suit and a white Ike Behar oxford. I quickly dressed myself and as I was slipping on my Sandro Moscoloni loafers my phone buzzed. 

I grabbed my bags and walked out to my awaiting ride. I placed my bags in the trunk of the Mercedes S550 and quickly got inside. I sat quietly in the back of the big German sedan, as I watched the city I called my own pass by. We pulled in front of Wilson Air Center and I quickly grabbed my bags and walked in. I got led to the lounge where I waited for my plane to be ready to board. My breath smelled of alcohol as I asked the concierge for a glass of champagne. As I relaxed myself in the chair I heard it:


“I'm not going to turn around. Why are you here, Erin?”

“I had to call your assistant to see if you had done something stupid. I find out you're leaving for Miami already.”

“I am.”

“I'm sorry, I don't know what I was thinking.”


The concierge walked over with my champagne, I thanked her as Erin sat down across from me. 

“Paul I lo-”

“Erin. Please. Not now.”

“Fine, I'll go. But I'll always be here for you if you need me. Always.”

I stood up and grabbed my bags and was led out to the ramp to the plane. I didn't look back. 

Thursday, January 11, 2018

Who's Going To Stop Me

We all know we fucked up and continue fucking up. The problem is that if we continue this pattern we will let the bottom fall out of the American auto industry. Start with the numbers --- and what they don’t tell you. The global outlook is still very healthy, showing 2.7% growth in 2017, while sales in the United States dipped just 1.75% for the year. Those metrics are both irrelevant to the “plateau” the US auto industry is expected to face from 2018-2019 though, and the reason is because they were generated by pulling out every last ethical, legal, and tactical stop.

It’s not that we have nowhere else to go but down; it’s a case of having no further down to go. Everybody has accepted and acclimated to the way we generate new auto sales, from the desperate desk manager who will do anything to get a deal bought to the customer who has no ability to think beyond a payment and a new-car smell.

This dark momentum could strangle the industry, but everyone refuses to stop it. Every time a customer accepts a $500 monthly payment on another overpriced compact crossover, they are feeding that momentum. When dealers structure deals for far more than the car is worth, they are feeding that momentum. The problem is: who is going to actually tell anybody no? Customers want their cars and refuse to put money down to get them. A large number of dealerships are fighting to attain sales numbers the market can’t currently support.

I get cursed out every month when our store misses the targets set for us by the manufacturer, even though I’m fighting against larger stores offering deeper discounts on new cars. On top of that, it’s not just your credit criminal customer that isn’t reading what they’ve signed anymore. When you have consumers with 700+ FICO scores rolling over portions of debt they already couldn’t handle on top of new debt and financing the whole thing over increasingly long terms at interest rates they arguably no longer deserve. The problem is that prime credit customers are slowly becoming credit criminals.

Let me tell another story. I’ll leave the name of the lending institution out of this one due to how recently this all happened. About a month ago a couple came in the store with a 2017 Pathfinder in fully-loaded Platinum trim. They had an $750 per month payment, and wanted to see if they could move to a cheaper vehicle to reduce that. We sat down to put everything together, I figured out they just bought the vehicle from us six months earlier. Their payoff exceeded $52k on their six month old Pathfinder that was realistically worth $37k.

They seemed very anxious to get out of the car; I figured it was the high payment that had them nervous. Once we had already assumed that they were at least $10k flipped we took a look at their credit information. That’s where we found out the real reason they were nervous: they were four months behind on their 84 month loan. I walked over to the customers to break the bad news that I wasn’t going to be able to save them from the inevitable. In the middle of my first sentence, the wife screamed, and we looked out the front glass to see their Pathfinder gliding away behind a repo man’s tow truck. I told my manager the situation. He told me to grab a service loaner and take them home as a courtesy.

I didn’t hesitate to break the silence on the somber drive back to their home. WE began to talk, and they quickly opened up about their situation. They both had 800+ FICO scores when they bought the car. They agreed that they bought more car than they needed after they dealer made them believe that a fully loaded Pathfinder was the smart way to get out of their 2015 Rogue in which they were $8k upside down. When I asked the husband why they did it, his response was disheartening: “Honestly we just wanted it. We knew the payment was too high when we had to go to 84 months to get it. But we just couldn’t stop ourselves.”

That’s the root of this whole fiasco. No one's stopping to think about what they're doing to themselves. Instead, people are walking into dealerships with the mindset that not one soul will keep them from being able to buy the car they want. Those same people are running into a desperate dealer staff that will stop at nothing to try and sell them a car, because they are under immense pressure from the manufacturer to move product. It just seems like everyone is asking: “Who’s going to stop me?” Who’s going to stop you from taking out a 96 month loan on a car you truly can't afford? Who’s going to stop the sales manager from shoving the monthly payment down your throat? Who’s going to stop approving loans for people that they simply cannot afford? Who’s going to stop the madness?

Wednesday, December 27, 2017

The Trade Equation

The armchair financial advisors of the internet have two favorite words for those that have become deeply entrenched in negative equity:  uneducated and unintelligent. They’re wrong more often than they are right. Like it or not, higher amounts of negative equity have become a necessary evil for a wide swath of the American population. There are two main factors that usually play into the creation of unrepairable negative equity: trading in vehicles with an existing lien and choosing loans with high interest rates. Factor in a recent across-the-board drop in used car trade values, and you have a recipe for an upside-down cake.

Everyone knows the concept of negative equity, but many people cannot tell you why the numbers tend to get so high. I can, however, because I help create those numbers everyday. When a car dealer structures a deal to send to the bank, the loan-to-value (LTV) percentage is a large factor. Lenders have began allowing higher and higher LTV on new and used vehicles because otherwise they won’t be able to meet their targets for loan volume. Some “captive” lenders (those affiliated directly with a manufacturer) are allowing the LTV to be as high as 135% on new cars, while some other lenders are allowing 125% on new and used also. 

These banks are not totally treacherous. The high end of the maximum LTV chart is reserved for “prime” creditworthy customers of the captive lenders, while deep subprime customers are still restricted to sub-100% in most cases. That being said, most lenders will give most of us more money than the car is valued at. 

Here is a real life scenario I encountered back in late 2016: A guy comes into the store around 7 o’clock in the evening. He is driving a 2015 Nissan Altima, an unremarkable “S Special Edition” that had 45 thousand miles, roughly a $25,000 MSRP car when new. I called NMAC to get an accurate payoff for his vehicle and nearly passed out when I heard the number: over 31 thousand dollars. Now let me break this down for you, he owned this vehicle for over a year, had a FICO just below 700, yet his payment was around $600 per month. Now where this situation goes completely askew is the fact his car was only worth $12,000. So now he was a whole $19,000 in debt already before he even got started. I asked him how did he manage to borrow so much money on that car. He told me he had an Infiniti G35 that had the transmission go bad, so he ended up transferring a few grand in negative equity on top of the new car. Then he managed to also fit in a warranty and a protection plan. The dealer kept the rebates.

That scenario is an outlier right now for sure, but I see more and more of them everyday that are or will be just as bad. This is where my lack of optimism for the industry as a whole begins. There’s a “magical wall” of $10,000 negative equity where most lenders simply will not approve a new-car loan. There are exceptions, most of them for people with credit scores north of 750 and after-tax income of more than $3k a month, but they are rare. 

When a customer is “stuck” due to negative equity, it leads to one of two things happening. Either the customer waits longer before they buy a new vehicle, or the dealership encourages the customer to “kick” their trade-in. The process of kicking a trade is simple: get a bank to approve a loan for the car with no trade-in, then lightly suggest that the customer let the bank repossess their current vehicle. Presto! The negative equity disappears… at least until the customer is called into court by their previous lender.

Only the least credit-conscious of new-car customers will accept “kicking” the trade, which means that more and more customers will simply be forced to sit on their current vehicle until they’ve paid off the negative equity. Often, this process can take three or four years. For the consumer, it makes a lot of sense. After all, most new cars are 150,000-mile reliable nowadays. Very few people would suffer a genuine negative outcome if they just made all the payments on their current car before trading it it. 

For the manufacturers, however, this process drastically cuts the “churn” of new-car sales. If customers are trading in every six or seven years instead of two or three, it cuts sales to that customer group in half. Which might lead to the manufacturers facing a bit of “negative equity” themselves. Ask yourself: will those armchair financial experts call them “uneducated” when it happens?

Thursday, December 21, 2017

What's Going On?

I love selling cars, the industry gave me a purpose after the shitty experience of being a corporate cog. But I’m truly starting to fear the worst for the American car industry. The industry has shown growth since the dark days of the recession but the business model morphed into an ugly free for all. Automotive credit has become easier in the last few years, and manufacturers are still seeking whatever growth they can come up with in our market at any cost. 

People are buying cars they can't afford or shouldn't even have been able to buy. Used car depreciation is at an all time high for many cars and yet everyday more and more people are trading them in. This whole scenario has a bleak end that became evident when I went to my buddy Paris’ repo lot. He called me to check out a 2016 BMW 435i he jacked for BMW Financial Services. It was a beautiful Estoril Blue M-Sport car with just under eight thousand miles on the clock. I could only imagine the circumstances where someone let go of a year old BMW, but as we walked through I noticed all of the cars seemed to be nearly new. Paris confirmed my fears when he told my about nine-out-of-ten vehicles he’s repossessed in the last few months were model year 2016 or newer. To make matters worse Paris only does work for prime and a few captive lenders, meaning a majority of these cars went out to consumers with good credit. 

On the other end, every time I look up from my desk there is a customer who is absolutely drowned in their vehicle. Six thousand dollars in negative equity is the norm, but I’ve witnessed numbers as high as twenty thousand in the last year. Customers are always astounded by how their car has lost so much of its value so quickly. What they fail to realise is their car was worthless from the beginning. Rebates and incentives are at an all time high at many manufacturers, J.D. Power quoted an average around four thousand dollars earlier this year, and I’m sure that number has risen since then. The problem with high rebate numbers is it absolutely kills the resale value of a car. 

Think about it like this: late in the model year for a new car incentives are through the roof, to the point you could buy a used version of the same car with a couple thousand miles for almost the same price as a new one. This is great when you're taking advantage of the huge upfront savings, it's not so great when twelve months later you find out your car is worth almost half its original MSRP. The used car market reacts to the savings offered on new cars, this trend happened back in the mid-2000’s a few years before the housing bubble burst, when all the domestic automakers offered up “employee pricing” on everything. It was supposed to be a smooth way of marketing large incentives without spooking everyone, but really it was a free-for-all that led to trade in values dipping leading into the opening years of the recession. 

The picture I'm painting for you here is a dark portrait of the American car industry as we know it. When you have consumers packing on massive amounts of negative equity, and taking on payments and debt they should be never be allowed to, it leads us to a dark end. Many analysts have called for a plateau in the upcoming years, but you'd be hard pressed to see the market maintain under this pressure. You're going to see more new cars being repossessed, and more consumers being turned away from new cars because they can't afford the payments. It's a cycle that can only end when the manufacturers and lenders agree to curtail this cycle. I get the question from guys who analyse the industry all the time: “what's going on?” Honestly, I'm not sure, but it's not good. 

Thursday, October 19, 2017

Will You Be There?

As a shameless person, I have very few spots that bring me to tears. Most of them involve deaths. I've never done well with grief, it always consumes me in a darkness that stains my whole existence. One of those deaths that will always be stuck to my soul is of Whitney Houston. I have a complicated structure of emotions attached to her death. The strongest joist in that structure was the death of my close family friend Franklin Clark the night before her funeral.

I died a little that Friday evening when I got the news from my mother. The following day I gathered around a television with friends, and watched Whitney’s homecoming with pain streaming from my eyes. It hurt in more ways than one because of the tragic way her life came to an end. Whitney Houston died because of the negligence of an entire group of people who were supposed to support her greatness. She was an angel, not just an angelic voice, but an angel. Her life was cut short every time she was forced to be who she wasn't. She died because she lived in a constant battle to be herself. That's more tragic than anything I can think of. That tragedy parallels with the death of Mr. Clark. He too was an angel, a man who spent all of his adult life taking care of his friends, family, and people he didn't even know. Every summer he took me into his home in Los Angeles and I watched him take the spotlight wherever we went. But even though he took on the world all his life, he took ill and the whole world sat and watched him die. A man who gave tremendously of himself all his life, died poor and heartbroken.

That’s truly what makes me the saddest, is the people you love leaving you at your worst, because they want money or just simply don’t care. I’m probably rambling at this point, but it’s a truly ugly thing to see. It’s hard to watch someone have their family run them dry as they lay on their deathbed. It’s hard watching someone perform emaciated and haggard at a concert and no one lead them to the help they deserve. Will we truly be there for those who we love? It leads me to the words at the end of Michael Jackson’s 1991 song Will You Be There:

In our darkest hour, in my deepest despair
Will you still care?
Will you be there?
In my trials and my tribulations
Through our doubts and frustrations
In my violence, in my turbulence
Through my fear and my confessions
In my anguish and my pain
Through my joy and my sorrow
In the promise of another tomorrow
I'll never let you part
For you're always in my heart